Arriving

by Mae

“Come back to me” he whispered as he slowed his thrust and pinched my nipple, bringing me back into my body.

I was drifting through another dimension of pleasure disconnected from this world.  I was on another plane, which I can only experience with him where it’s safe. A place I feel comfortable letting go of all control and all decision. He tethers me to this planet.

I was close to the edge of release when I heard his words. He pulled out, and my body convulsed, begging him to return. 

“Come back to me” I slowly opened my eyes and with each breath, I was pulled closer back to earth. I gazed into his eyes trying to understand reality again. Trying to find my place among the two realms in which I existed simultaneously. Every thrust he took inside me, sent me back; every time he slowed I was brought back to reality, voracious and aching. I was delirious. I felt free. I felt high. I felt so consumed with erotic energy.  I was more in tune with my spirituality and sexuality at that moment than I had ever been in my life.

Finally, 

I fully allowed myself to let go and allowed my own sexuality to guide my pleasure, my movement, and my sounds. 

Unapologetically. 

 In those intimate moments, I finally knew, accepted, and granted myself permission to feel my sexuality deeper within myself than ever before.

Now, I can embrace my sexuality and for the first time in my life, I have arrived at my true sexual self. I finally understand the power of sex, the power of myself, but mostly the power of my femininity; something I had neglected, ignored, and sacrificed my whole life.

I have security and safety within myself and a life partner that eagerly facilitates the space and support I need, which allows me to open, soften, and surrender all parts of my masculinity to birth my feminine power and establish a sexual balance within myself.

We’ve had a rocky balance in our partnered sex life over the last year. Dealing with intense grief, opening up our marriage, riding the exciting waves of lifestyle, slamming our relationship closed again, and navigating our darkness through some of the hardest years of our relationship as we discovered our trauma, only to arrive passionately intertwined in each other’s arms once again. It finally felt like, through all of the work, we were finding ourselves together again.

He allowed me space and understanding through some of the most difficult work I’ve had to do, and some of my deepest shame, and he never abandoned me as I withdrew sexually further and further from him to see where I existed on my own. In this place, I found the pieces of myself that I am putting back together the way I want.

And just like that, we are reawakened in exploring our sexuality and our desires in a new way, with more knowledge, self awareness, compassion, and understanding.