How did we get here?

By Mae

I am sure, if you’re anything like me, you’re here reading our blog to find out our story and how we got here. And while our story may be different than your story, I am hoping that you find something useful for you here.

A little about me….

I was raised by divorced parents who were toxic. Half of my life was spent in a strict religion, and the other was spent in an abusive home with alcoholism. During my teenage years, I gravitated towards the religion that told me to cover my body, don’t draw attention to myself, save myself for marriage, don’t do anything that God would be ashamed of.

I did everything right, I am a rule follower to a T, I was a good girl. However, even though I covered my body and didn’t draw attention to myself, the old white men of the church were fine with looking at my covered body, making comments on my figure when I was less than 18 years old. The same men that guide the church and told me to hide myself, were also the ones looking at me with eyes that I knew were undressing me in their imaginations. I kept my head down and did what a good groomed religious girl should do, and let the men be men.

I can’t blame them, I had full DD sized breasts at 12 years old. I was used to men looking at me. I was used to being catcalled, sexualized, and looked at. It made me uncomfortable. I hated it with a passion. I grew up hiding my sexuality away from the world that told me only whores and sluts let men lust after them. Good girls covered up, were submissive to the men in the church and to the future husbands they saved themselves for.

I covered up so men felt more comfortable. I was afraid of sex, and it wasn’t something that I needed. Or so I thought.

How we met

13 years ago, I sat in my college class, and received a myspace message which I viewed on the internet browser on my slide phone in 2008. It was from someone that I worked with, and I thought it was odd that I got a message from him. After being friends with benefits, a long distance relationship for a year, relocating across the country, marriage, pregnancy, and two kids, here we are.

He saved me. He made (and still makes) me feel beautiful, wanted, desired, and loved. He has always treated me the way I wanted to be treated. He is everything I needed and everything I wanted. I left the religion for him and I have never looked back. He taught me how to let go a little bit and embrace my sexual side, and I always fought back with insecurities and self hatred. When we had babies, I devoted my entire life to being the best mom I could be. As my children have grow, I have grown to love myself. As they need me less, I find more pieces of myself. The more independent they become, I become a little more free to take time for myself. Sex wasn’t something I did good, I did everything my husband asked and was always open to more, but I didn’t know how to want something for myself.

Fantasy

My husband had approached me 6 years ago, when I was pregnant with our second and last child, with a conversation about some fantasies and things about his sexuality. I felt honored that he trusted me enough to share his deepest and darkest (or so he thought) secrets. I listened to him with everything I had. I acknowledge those pieces of him and it made me fall more in love.

I had no idea that those fantasies of watching me with another man would ever be real. I thought fantasies just stayed fantasies and weren’t something that people took outside of their bedroom at night. I didn’t think we would ever be where we are now, entertaining the idea of me being fucked by another man.

I didn’t know how to feel about the Hotwife/Cuckolding dynamic. I thought it was a little weird. I didn’t understand why my husband would want to share me, I didn’t want to share him. I thought it was small thing that he would forget about.

Over the last 6 years, we have experimented with role playing, posting naked photos of me, and talking to men on the internet. It always ended with me not being interested and calling quits after a week or two.

Sexual Awakening

After 2020, I view things so differently. I have grown and changed in a lot of ways. One of those ways, was sexually. I was finally ready to embrace who I was on every level.

One weekend in May 2021, I had the idea of maybe trying to play with the fantasies of Cuckolding and Hotwifing again. I thought my husband would be fine with it, and he was. So off we went. We bought toys and started to talking to guys with the potential of meeting up with one.

And then something happened, I had a sexual awakening. It changed EVERYTHING, extremely fast.

I became insatiable. I mean, I want(ed) sex all the time! Nothing seems to be enough. I feel wanted, I love the attention, I love giving my husband attention more, I love our connection.

I keep telling my husband that there is a new fire inside me. It feels like I am burning from the inside and nothing can put it out. I wake up horny, I fall asleep horny. I am wet for him and for others and for a future bull all at once. I want it all and the possibilities seem endless. I feel more free than I ever have. I feel alive, and I never want it to end. I want to try so much, and I want my husband there by my side.

Even though we are just getting started, I feel like I could stay here forever. Even though the emotions are everywhere right now, I love everything about how exploring the lifestyle has brought us closer together. Being sexually awaken as a female may be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

I am excited to embrace this new feeling of being slutty, I was so tired of being the good girl.

I want to be bad.

I want it bad.